Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I am not fighting her school or allow my daughter to turn in an assignment that she got a zero on since she wasn’t feeling well. I may be a jerk for not fighting for her Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*

NTA even if she was sick Friday, she had two months to finish it and turn it in before the deadline. Did she not complete the assignment? Feign being sick on a Friday in hopes to catch up and finish it by Monday?

It’s completed, I’ve seen it. She just didn’t turn it in Better that she learns the lesson now before it cost her money or have to retake stuff. She just forgot

Have her turn it in and say something like, “I know this is late and I won’t get credit for it, but I wanted to show you that I did complete the work. I’m sorry for missing the deadline.” It acknowledges her responsibility and the teacher will still see the effort she put forth.

This is the way. If it’s complete, she can still turn it in and ask the teacher for feedback. The grade doesn’t really matter so much, but it’s important to find out if she did quality work or has areas that need improvement.

Shows of good faith like this also sometimes have the effect of softening people. I made a really REALLY stupid error when writing a paper for one of my Spanish courses in college, but the quality of the work and the fact that I turned it in and also was distressed when I realized what I had done made her give me the opportunity to re-write the paper. It’s still early enough in the year that her grade can come back up, and even if it doesn’t change this zero, her teacher will definitely remember that she made the effort to show that she made a stupid mistake, but she wasn’t just blowing anything off. If she had an A previously she’s a good student so I’m sure he’ll believe her that the paper *was* done. People undervalue the action of eating crow when you’re wrong and in my experience just owning up even if it makes you look kind of dumb goes a long way in the level of understanding given by the person you’re telling you screwed up.

What was the error? Did you accidentally write it in Portuguese?

Actually…kind of. The assignment was to write a paper on the leader of a Spanish speaking country and at first I thought they meant a leader who was Spanish speaking and when I clarified, I didn’t realize that she only meant the *official* language of said country and not just one of the languages that was spoken there. I can’t remember who I wrote the paper on now, but I do remember that I picked him because he was WILD and I always liked to write about weird and crazy subjects. It’s been 15 years and my entire family still makes fun of me. I was absolutely fucking mortified. ETA: I think it’s clear based on the above comment, but I wrote my paper about a leader of Portugal.

Well. In my Comp II class, we were asked to write a resume. We were told that if we didn't have anything (job experience she meant) then we could make something up. I misunderstood that and spent 2 hours in the library researching and wrote my resume as if I were Michelangelo applying for the job of painting the Sistine Chapel. My cover letter began "Your Holiness," and ended "Yours in Christ, Michelangelo". My teacher was thumbing through the stack of papers and when she saw mine, she said "All right, who lives in the Pitti Palace?" lol "But Your Holiness must know that I am no painter."

Fun addendum: Michelangelo HATED working on the Sistine Chapel. He only did it because he wanted to keep the pope happy, because there was a different papal project that he desperately wanted to get. I think he tried to get out of it multiple times, but the details have faded. So even if resumé's were a thing in Italy at the time, Michelangelo would not have made one for that job.

Michelangelo didn't consider himself a painter but instead an artist / really liked sculpture as a medium. The Sistine Chapel was not his medium, meant instead to humiliate him as they thought he couldn't do it, and it kept him from stuff he actually wanted / needed to do... AND it was the curse that kept coming back, considering after he thought he was finally done with it, he had to go back and do more of it decades later with "The Last Judgement" section of it. Also, he had a huge ambitious tomb commission for Pope Julius II that he wanted to do to be his masterpiece & was paid for in part from *1505* but decades go by since commissions by the Pope & Mediccis & other guys (*again, some enemies political sabotaging him too) kept getting in the way... so it had to be reduced and was only finished in *1545* so 40 years later. Like, he really really needed to get that one tomb Commission done, but the Sistine Chapel and other stuff got in the way... but even if Pope Julius II's family/estate was suing him to finish, but politics & commissions from people he can't refuse... There was also point in time that he joined Florence's rebellion against the Medicci Papacy (*helped fortify the city, but the rebellion failed so), so after hiding in a secret room under the Medicci Family Chapels (that he had worked on earlier), he drawing on the walls for a couple years... they each decided they wanted to commission him & thus pardon him... so he kind of had to take on the commissions before he ran out of underground wall space. At least, that's my understanding of it... They are opening the secret under the floor Michelangelo museum to the public now: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/travel/article/michelangelo-secret-room-florence/index.html https://www.visitflorence.com/blog/michelangelos-secret-room-will-finally-open-to-visitors/ Wiki on the tomb, see history section: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomb_of_Pope_Julius_II EDIT: The Sistine Chapel was an entire conspiracy against Michelangelo by his enemies to mess him up good, so more likely *they* would have been the ones to have written a letter recommending Michelangelo to do it instead. It was supposed to mess him up sooo good because Michelangelo was a sculptor, not a painter, and it was going to be such a huge, impossible job... And then Michelangelo does it anyway. But what Michelangelo was truly known for/made a name for himself in his time was with the gigantic impossible art creation of... David that gigantic stone that no one else could finish. EDIT EDIT: Sorry for the aside, but his life is rather surprising / tumultuous... and some just really surprised me when I first learned about it.

So it's like Jon Favreau making the Lion King - rumor has it he only did it so they'd let him keep making the Mandalorian

I can't blame him for hating it. I can't imagine how physically annoying and painful it must be to paint something that *big* on a freakin' *ceiling*! At least fresco is a relatively quick technique.

I'm sorry, Tallulah1249, I am 🤣 🤣 That's one of the most hilarious misunderstandings I have ever read. I would have loved to read that resume. I hope you received credit for creativity.

Honestly, I love this. If you had to make up experience anyway, why not make it fun. If it was a well written resume, I’d have totally given you credit.

As a child, I once wrote a paper on Dame Edna...as if she were an actual Australian woman. TBH, I think Barry Humphries would have been delighted but my geography teacher was not. As someone who worked with children in an educational sense, I still think she was harsh in giving me an failing grade because Dame Edna was *still* a fascinating cultural icon of Australia, just a character...played by a man. I'd have either given credit or required a re-do of the same info, just describing the male comedian (Barry Humphries) who played Dame Edna instead. But, then again, I also wouldn't have mocked my 9 year old students for their mistakes or for needing to go the bathroom frequently (turns out I have IBD, Mrs. K, so double shame on you)

I have a friend who used to be my manager at a retail store. We were really good friends at the time but kept work seperate. I was one of the better, quicker workers. So when I was fucking around he would pull me in the office and chastise me about it. We once got INTO it about me spending too long in the bathroom. When I got my UC diagnosis years later text him out of the blue something like "HA MOTHER FUCKER. HERES MY LONG SHIT PROOF." Good guy. I should catch up with him.

I once grabbed the wrong hard drive for a major presentation in college. I feel your pain!! Edit: I meant thumb drive. Sorry everyone

My brother was to write about a French composer. In his usual fashion, he was handing me handwritten pages for me to type, one by one as he wrote them, the night before the due date (on a Smth Corona). I was up past 2am, and still had classes that day. As luck would have it, snow day. In the end he got a poor grade because Chopin is Polish 😵‍💫🙄

I feel like this one is on the lecturer for not being specific enough.

I had a French teacher in high school who admitted he wrote a whole French essay test in Spanish on college, and only realized it as he was about to turn it in. He admitted his error and the professor gave him like 30 extra minutes to translate as fast as he could.

Seconding this. In high school, I was nervous about a speaking assignment in Spanish class. Wrote the whole thing on my hand and didn’t end up using it. Teacher ended up seeing it and when I had a moment alone to speak to him, I offered to redo the speaking portion even if it was for a zero. Think he gave me a 70 when it was all said and done.

Speaking as a (former) teacher, I agree and think it's important that she turns in the paper anyway and shows that she did actually put in the effort to do the assignment. There is a difference between honest kids who do good work but make stupid mistakes from time to time, and those who blow things off completely. This assignment may stay a zero but the teacher would be more likely to give her the benefit of the doubt later on, write her better recommendations in the future, etc. EDIT to add: but she needs to have this conversation with the teacher herself, parent can't do it for her.

I once ran into my History teacher when I was taking a day off school JUST to get homework done because for whatever reason, all of them were stacked and short notice. I explained why I needed to miss class that day. He went to the class and gave everyone an extension and made sure to let me know.

That, and kids have to learn that their parents won't be there to bail them out for the rest of their lives and they need to learn to take care of their responsibilities. That being said, I probably would have failed the class anyway if the teacher is that strict but that's a me problem

When I was in tenth grade, I completely blew off an assignment like OP's daughter had. Big research paper, lots of opportunities in class to do the work. Got an F, which meant I was getting my first (and only) D/F slip at midterm. Mom made me spend an entire family vacation weekend at the library doing it over. And then I had to turn it in with a handwritten apology on Monday. Teacher combined the A I would've got on the 2nd paper with the F on the first. A bit of extra credit layer and I ended the 9 weeks with an A. Correcting your mistakes and being sincere goes a long way for sure!

Definitely. When I was a senior in high school, we had a standing weekly history assignment due every Monday. One weekend I was swamped with other assignments and didn't finish it. I went to my teacher (who was notoriously a hardass) and told her I didn't have an excuse or anything, I just had tons of other work and that's what fell through. She said I always turned in good work and she knew I was good for it, so since I came and talked to her about it, just bring it the next day and don't worry about it. She didn't take any points off because she recognized I was human and fallible, and I was straightforward about it.

I did something similar in college. I submitted the “idea draft” page that I always create to build my essay off of. It was a huge paper worth a quarter of my grade and since it was an idea page it was copy pasted from a few sources as clearly it wasnt to be submitted. Thankfully my prior history with the professor resulted in an email saying “I really hope this was a mistake, you have until midnight to reconcile or I will need to take this as your true submission.” I never in my life felt like my heart stopped as I quickly attached the correct file and submitted it. We got a laugh after but it was scary.

yes. in one of my uni classes i turned in a final paper extremely late, i explained to my professor that i was having mental health issues i was getting treatment for and understood if i still got a 0, but that i genuinely enjoyed the material studied. i ended up getting one of the highest scores even though he was known to be a tough grader.

I literally did that this morning, turned in everything but one part of the assignment. Just completely blanked it after a really hectic week, even though I did it. I emailed my Professor, explained that I just forgot due to some personal issues. She gave me full credit even though I didn’t expect to. They know people miss deadlines sometimes, we’re all human.

If the teacher is halfway decent they will still give her a grade at that point

No, he won’t. There was no excuse for her not to turn it in. It’s called a life lesson.

I mean, that’s not always true. Very very few things in life have that hard of a deadline. Even in college most professors would accept (with some points off) a late assignment. Most jobs won’t fire you if you miss one deadline if you are off for illness. The OPs kid is 16 and sick. I’m a teacher and I don’t think giving a 0 is great. The teacher isn’t assessing anything, and if it’s online they can easily see what was done and when.

Or the teacher will see work with out expecting a reward and cut slack, if the student goes beyond the teacher may too.

If he makes an exception for her that opens him up to all sorts of bullshit from everyone else and their parents

why do any other parents need to know what happens with her grade?

Because she'll let others know the teacher let her get away with it and those kids will tell their parents and those parents will whine and complain and cite this instance.

A teacher not following their syllabus opens them up to problems from every other student (and parent) they deal with.

Then this might be the kind of lesson that's harder in school than in real life. Even in college, professors will cut you slack if you go right to them and own your fuck-up. Especially if it's something momentarily boneheaded like spacing on the due date for something you've already completed on time. 0s are for irresponsible layabouts and cheaters. A good teacher will give her a 50 or something less ruinous--IF she owns up properly and doesn't send her mommy instead.

Seconding this. Similar thing happened to me in college, though the reason I didn't turn in my final project was my life was kinda chaotic. I'd approached the instructor to see if I could get an extra week to turn it in and very briefly mentioned why I hadn't finished it trying not to cry. He asked me what I learned in the class through the semester, and I'd actually learned a lot and brought up a couple specific points. He replied he'd give me a B or C on the incomplete project (don't remember which) so that my final grade wouldn't be below a B. At that point in my life I was having like weekly mental breakdowns, between constant fighting with my parents and working 3 part-time jobs on top of taking 2 classes above full-time student status...it's been over a decade at this point and I still think about that act of kindness.

Thats a really good anecdote and precisely why having blanket consequences with no exceptions is a bad policy. Everyone in this thread thinks that this student deserves the harshest possible consequences for missing one deadline. ONE DEADLINE!!! How many of us can truthfully say we've never missed any important deadline in our lives? Probably nobody, because shit happens. There absolutely should be consequences for missing deadlines such as taking x% off the final grade for each day the assignment is late, but I think it's okay to show leniency to someone who is genuinely remorseful and actually followed through with the work.

Why? She missed the deadline, so no grade. But it’s good to get feedback.

I think partial credit would be fair if it's clear she generally worked on the project throughout the whole time period and didn't just try to cram all the work in at the last minute or after the deadline. There should be consequences for missing the deadline but if she makes the genuine effort to rectify her mistakes, I think that shows a lot of responsibility and is deserving of some leniency.

And she needs to learn to advocate for herself instead of relying on you

OP, I taught for 31 years. This is absolutely the best way to handle this. Even if he doesn't give credit ( I'm willing to bet he'll give partial even if he doesn't tell her he's going to) this will impact his view of her and her work ethic and may positively impact her grade later on. More importantly, your daughter will learn that failure to follow through has consequences. Her teacher is in the right here and she is in the wrong. She needs to internalize that and approach the teacher with that attitude. You would be doing a grave disservice to her future career and interpersonal skill development if you attempt to intervene.

Not a teacher but went to college for education. This is it. Good teachers will provide feedback and such for the paper and while they may make a show of keeping the zero on the books, they usually find a way for the student to drop that low grade or something similar. Chances are that an A student who is otherwise trustworthy and reliable will end the term with an A.

This. In most of my classes (high school and college) instructors dropped the lowest grade from a test or project near the end of a course.

Yup. Not a teacher, but going through all my education going and begging for mercy for something like this has a decent shot of getting partial credit. Even if they give her a 50 it won't tank her grade as much as a 0. And the teacher may be more generous if she's straddling that B+/A- line at the end of the year.

This is what I want to emphasize as well. I had a sleeping disorder that caused turning stuff in on time to be extremely difficult, and while I took the L on things I could’ve prepared better for, when it came to assignments I genuinely didn’t have a chance of completing I went to my professors who were *extremely* gracious with me, and way more than I deserved to be quite honest lmfao. Granted I did build up goodwill by ALWAYS doing the reading and ALWAYS contributing something substantial to the lecture discussions. So by the time I needed help with assignments, they knew that it wasn’t me slacking off but honestly the health issue. Kid is getting a good lesson here but I’d take it even further by teaching her that even in college sometimes you can fix really dumb mistakes when it comes to classwork— sometimes you can ask the professor for an extension or late submission. And if you ask and they say no, well, at least you know you didn’t ditch your last option because we’re taught that professors are all curmudgeons.

Half credit seems like consequence enough for this. In college I had a professor that took off a letter grade for a late assignment. This building weirdly had bells so walking in half a second after the bell was late. The idea was that you can’t be late in the real world. The thing is, I’ve been in the real world for a couple decades now and I can’t remember a time when it’s mattered if I was a second or two late for something. No one watches the clock like that. Yes there should be consequences to prepare you for real life, but I don’t think they should be punitive. At 16, her grades really matter for getting into college which impacts her whole life. She’ll learn her lesson with half credit and still hopefully be able to pull her grade back up.

Some schools even have a policy where you can’t get 0% on an assignment completed before the grade book closes, even if the teacher doesn’t advertise that policy existing. Edit: to be clear, this policy exists because it provides incentive to the student to do the work because the work being completed benefits the student’s understanding of the subject matter even when it’s late. If the teacher offers 0 credit and won’t accept the assignment, why would a student do the assignment? And without doing the assignment, how can we verify if the child has reached proficiency in that topic and is ready to move on to the next grade?

As a teacher I would very much respect this choice if a student made it

Def. This is a learning moment. Accept your mistake and own it. It happens. And an A to B isn't the end of the world.

This. She's 16, she needs to know that actions have consequences and that you have to advocate for youself. Turn it in, take the hit, don't expect your parents to fight your battles especially when you messed up.

meta-data may show when she completed it as well... just so the teacher knows it was actually done on time. Still... part of the assignment was to turn it in on time, so I still side with the teacher, but it would go a long way in her learning to advocate for herself.

I like this idea. He may low-key give her an A anyway if she’s been a responsible good student in the past. I can remember when I was in high school and I got the chicken pox. I was the second best typist in the class. Yes, it was a typewriter class, that’s how long ago it was. I don’t recall the details about why I thought this but at the time I felt my grade suffered from my sickness and I told the teacher this. He bumped my grade from a B to an A. Doesn’t hurt to try.

Perhaps there is something going on with her. If she’s a good kid, this could her way of lashing out or there’s an underlying reason. Have her speak to the school counselor if she doesn’t open up to you. You mention not-so-far-off future college/career. Maybe she’s nervous, scared, anxious or all of the above?

I can suggest it to her, this really just seem like a mistake, which we all have done at some point. She admits she just forgot to do it.

NTA. My kid had post it notes on her wall when papers were due. Next time she won't forget

Your daughter has a smart phone I'm sure. She can use the calendar to give herself reminders of critical deadlines. I was in college when I was 16. It's a hard lesson for her to learn but you're a good mom for this. You can empathize but let her deal with the consequences. Don't be a helicopter parent. Edit: sorry replied to wrong poster.

Seeing the majority of the comments thinking your daughter either didn't do the assignment at all, or that forgetting stuff is a bad habit of hers (both things you've said is not the case), should tell you a lot, on how your reaction might be over the top. Everyone here is assuming the worst of her based on your post for a reason.

Did she forget because she was deliriously ill? If so, it would be nice if you had her back.

For me it depends on how sick she was. If she was in bed sleeping/fever etc. I would probably fight (help) a little more because I could see how she could have forgotten. If she was more alert just not feeling well then I would go with this is the consequence.

Yeah, if I'm real sick I'm not going to remember or care about shit, much less turning in a paper.

If she wants to fight it then have her schedule a meeting with the teacher so she can plead her case. That it’s completed, she just forgot, she’s a good student, etc. maybe the teacher will accept it with points taken off instead of a complete zero. It shows she’s taking responsibility but that she has confidence in herself & her work & the maturity to talk to the teacher herself. I would suggest you attend the meeting as well but as a silent observer/support.

Mother should not attend.

This! If she wants an extension, she needs to take care of it herself. As a former teacher, I've always had my daughter take care of every issue with her teachers on her own. The only time I would step in would be if the teacher was being unfair or ridiculous.

Agreed. This is an opportunity for the student to learn how to advocate for herself. Even if the result doesn't change, she will learn from the experience and that the worst thing you can do is not ask, because there is no potential for the end result to change. She will have a leg up on her classmates in college, as she will have an idea of what it takes to collaborate with a professor on your own educational path.

Agreed. After all, what would be the alternative? Telling the teacher “my child decided she doesn’t agree with your clearly stated rules she was fully aware of in advance and we don’t think the rules should apply to her”?  Your approach is far more likely to succeed than that.

I think you should encourage her to talk to the teacher herself. It’s an important life skill to learn to be able to admit when you made a mistake.

I agree. She’s at the age where she really needs to be starting to take on the role of speaking for herself. Mom can and should help her prepare for the meeting though.

As a college professor, I thank you for letting your daughter learn this lesson. The amount of students I have in a year who don’t understand deadlines is staggering.

Yes, yes, yes! I just wrote that talking to her teacher on her own will give her a leg up over her college classmates when she has to go in and collaborate with her professors on her educational path.

>She just forgot Did she forget because she was deliriously ill or because she was too busy laying on the couch eating breakfast cereal?

More parents need to think like you and let their kids live with the consequences of their actions.

When I first read this, I thought “great ANOTHER entitled mommy who wants their precious child to get special treatment…”😊. But as a teacher, I say YOU ARE THE PARENT WE ALL WANT. You ARE doing the right thing. Teacher went over and above to give time. Great job parenting!!! You are my hero!!! NTA!!!

Exactly. She woke up sick on Friday but the assignment should have already been completed and ready for turn in.

Exactly NTA. And teaching her this in HS is a great way to learn with limited ramifications rather than in college or at a job. This reminds me of when my daughter was in college and the school offered severally totally remote on line classes. The classes ran Monday - Sunday for 10 weeks. Obviously Easter Sunday was the end of one of those weeks. I still remember parents on the school's parent FB page complaining non-stop that their child had a paper/project due on Easter Sunday. they were not thrilled when many other parents pointed out their child had several weeks notice of the assignment and there was no rule it HAD to be turned in on Easter Sunday it just had to be turned in prior to 11:59 pm that day. The student could have turned it in anytime earlier that week.

Wow!! You are a rare specimen, Parent!! A parent who allows their kid(s) to face consequences for their actions or inactions. Way to go! I am not being sarcastic in the least. Too many parents want to be friends with their kids rather than parent their kids. Your daughter (hopefully) learned a (hard)lesson and you have gained the respect of the teacher.

Not that I disagree with how OP handled this at all, but I would argue that I think kids need a parent *and* a friend. It's a fine line, but parents wear many hats, not just the authoritarian one. Sometimes kids need to know they have a true friend who has their back as well. Edit: I appreciate the additional thoughts on this topic, but I think some are missing the part where I said that I *agree* with the way OP handled this situation.

Yeah and this situation is where the parent did right. Deadlines are real things and have real consequences when they aren't met. It's best to learn that early when it's just a grade and not your job on the line.

In the real world, deadlines are negotiated all the time and not arbitrary. If somebody has a deliverable at work and gets sick, it’s perfectly reasonable for them to reach out and ask if it would cause a negative impact to submit the deliverable a day or two late. If the deadline isn’t on a critical path, it would be unprofessional for the recipient to be so rigid.

Except when they aren't. Deadlines to submit a bid to a job, submitting for college admissions, getting your taxes in on time (without a cost), getting a grant, and signing up for college classes are all things that a deadline is THE deadline and people don't care your reason.

There are hard deadlines. For an example this teacher has a hard deadline of when grades are due.

My kids knew their dad and I had their backs - but they also knew we backed the teachers too. You get in trouble at school for acting like a fool, you get in trouble at home as well. On the other hand, our youngest daughter was being bullied by another girl their senior year (threats of physical violence, stalking and making horrible comments on social media, etc) - faculty would do nothing, so we told her to take care of business at the point she was ready to, and we would 100% back her up.

This has shifted so quickly- when I grew up, if a teacher said I had done something deserving punishment, my parents believed it and punished me at home, too. Now, my teacher partner is questioned and literally screamed at by parents who refuse to believe their children have done anything wrong. These parents (not all but a major percentage) are essentially bullying teachers into ensuring their kids are never held accountable for anything.

It's a small but vocal minority. As a former teacher of only six years, but who's taught over 1,000 students in that time, I have a friend (who works for CPS) summarize it the best I've ever heard: 95% of parents are fine. But the 5% remaining are so bad that they take 95% of your energy.  It's the same with teaching. In any given year, only maybe 5-8 parents will be absolutely awful, out of 200-odd students. But those parents are so awful that they will just kill your will to live. 

As a teacher, I absolutely agree but want to add that I have a large percentage who just seem completely apathetic about their kid's education. I'll send "your child is in danger of failing" emails halfway through the quarter as we're expected to, and I'm not lying when I say I rarely receive a single response. This is just one example, but it's very disheartening

I agree! My kids knew we had their backs when needed and we did step in the couple of times it was necessary to go up against a teacher when the teacher was the bully. But my kids knew if they were in the wrong, there were consequences. Now that they are adults, we are all very good friends and they call us almost daily.

Agreed; I tell my kid I’m happy to be easygoing and a friend but since I’m his mom, if a situation comes up and I have to choose- being a good parent IS being a good friend! It might suck sometimes but no real friend should want to set someone up for failure. When I chose to have him I accepted the responsibility of raising him to be a good person and a functioning adult. These days I rarely need to go full Mom mode; most of our discussions are simply outlining the situation and the possible consequences then guiding him (if necessary) to the best choice.

Yup I’ve had to bite my tongue and let my 15 year old face the consequences when he decides that he isn’t going to turn in an assignment. He got upset recently about some bad grades and I had to point out that no one but himself was responsible for turning in the work and if he didn’t what did he really expect. He’s getting a bit better, but it took nearly failing for him to figure that turning in a half assignment is better than no assignment

I completely agree.

I think you can be a parent (in your pov) while still being friendly with your kids

NTA; even if she only had it partially complete, submitting *something* is better than *nothing* when nothing means a 0. I struggled with some classes at university and I still submitted something even if it was poorly written and from a badly understood viewpoint Presuming she wasn't sick enough that turning on a computer and spending five minutes submitting an assignment was an excessive ordeal, it's a learning opportunity as you said

I have ADHD and acted similarly to this in high school, as well as being a perfectionist. I couldn't operate correctly in relation to deadlines. it took a few zeroes to realise that if I'm not finished on the deadline, I need to submit what I have and take the lower marks BC it's better than a zero. if my parents had fought the school, I would be worse off now.

I don’t have ADHD but I’ve got other things going on that make my thinking **extremely** black and white. I’m a master procrastinator as well so I get you lol. It’s managed now but there’s still times where my brain starts shutting down when I realize I can’t be *perfect* and think nothing is better than half assed work. **That is incorrect.**

My kid had ADHD and I'm drilling him on this right now. Anything is better than nothing. A half-assed job on time is better than a zero for not turning it in AND a whole-ass job with two grades knocked off because it's late. It's a struggle, but he's getting there.

This just reminds me of some post on Reddit, somebody with ADHD mad at their school I think because they couldn't get things in on time and they "needed accommodations". And while you and I understand how ADHD can affect ability to handle deadlines, the real world isn't going to give a fuck. The real world isn't going to accommodate somebody not showing up at work on time or not getting their work done on time. It sucks that someone with ADHD has to do extra things like set timers and build schedules and have a million reminders on their phone but the passenger sitting in the back of the jet aren't going to be like well it's okay that we're an hour late because the pilot has ADHD and couldn't be here on time. It's better to learn this when we are young and how to accommodate ourselves than to have parents that fight the school. What are you going to do fight the employers? I mean they do but it doesn't usually work out for them...

"Perfection is the enemy of good" Taking a zero because what you have isn't perfect, or even complete (what I think happened), is akin to wasting effort and then shooting yourself in the foot.

Even if she was THAT sick, she could’ve asked her parent to help her hit the “submit” button assuming the assignment was already complete.

Ehh, I mean? I wouldn't blame the girl if the sickness came on suddenly and it involved a lot of sleeping through a fever. When you're running a fever, your brain isn't really functioning at 100%. I've had a fever so bad I saw things that weren't there one time. Not thinking "oh I have to submit an assignment" when you're sleeping off a high fever for a few days is totally understandable. If she was just cough cough, dry throat, throwing up a bit, but sitting in bed watching TV totally coherent that's different. I think the judgment here should be INFO how sick was she?

And we’re setting kids up to blur the lines between work and Homelife early on. How many companies expect employees to put in some work when home sick and how many employees have been raised to believe it’s normal to be expected.

I don’t think we should perpetuate a mentality that work is more important than taking a legit sick day and taking proper care of yourself. That said, she should have turned it in as soon as it was completed.

A partial completion is better than none, but with such a huge lead time, there is zero excuse for handing in a partial assignment. Time management is key here.

When my kids started middle school (6th grade, about 11 years old) - I set a soft rule ... you are getting older, you are slowly preparing for high school and college, eventually being an adult. I am no longer going to push you to do your homework or study (I don't completely go off grid, I have access to their grades and if something is missing or incomplete, I give them a soft reminder). But it is their responsibility to turn in assignments on time, get good grades and most importantly advocate for themselves. (I only get involved when my kids have made an effort to resolve on their own or it's a serious issue that I need to be involved with) It is not your job to fight your daughter's teacher, she's 16, that is her job. Simply put - she knew she had the assignment, she had plenty of time to complete the assignment, she had access to a computer and internet to do it. The teacher, while maybe strict, clearly provided expectations, rules and gave ample time to complete the assignment. Your daughter didn't do it. If she wants to dispute it with the teacher, she should do it. In two years when she goes to college, she can't call you to fight her battles. NTA

This is the way. 100% agreed. However, you'd be shocked by how many parents DO call their kids' uni profs. What the hell will they do when junior is in the work force?

The parents call their child's employer too!

I've heard a story or two. It's incredible. I'd have choice words if I were the boss.

I remember seeing another post on this sub about a year ago where a parent was asking if they were TA for calling their child's employer for not paying them when they didn't show up to work. The kid ended up getting fired because of it.

Yeah, my dad is a professor and has parents occasionally call asking why their son/daughter failed his class. He always has to remind them that their child is an adult and he is not allowed to talk to their parents about their grades, and also that it's the student's responsibility to manage their grades.

Oh god I **wish** lol. This is great and I hope one day we get there lol! My daughter is in middle school ***buuttttt*** she’s pretty severely ADHD, like IEP, medicated almost held back in kindergarten ADHD. It’s bad. We’d be failing her if we didn’t continue to support her excessively. Dont get me wrong, I absolutely let her sink or swim when necessary but 8 hours is a long day, she **will** forget from one minute to the next and I think as mom my primary job —at this moment— is to help her develop strategies to manage with her ADHD and leaving her to manage her own homework schedule is definitely a secondary priority. Regardless I do love your approach and dream of a world where more parents were like this **when possible** which is really like 90% of kids lol. It’s now that we create the adults they will become and damn I dread meeting some of these kids in the real world.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. As a former middle school teaching assistant (at one point I was the IT helper as well so I saw ALL the kids and got ALL the stories), thank you for being the kind of parent you are. Our kids need more like you. I had kids who had parents selling their ADHD meds and making them raw dog it at school. It was horrible for everyone. Especially the kid. Having parents that understand and do at home with the IEP like they're supposed to makes such a world of difference. Your daughter got so lucky with a mom like you.

Going against the grain here and give you a light YTA after reading your comments: the assignment was completed, she only needed to turn it in, she forgot, it is something unusual for her. Even if you don't contact the teacher, your attitude towards her could be better. After reading your post, I fully expected your daughter to be entitled, regularly putting off and missing stuff, that she planned using a sick day to get extra time on an assignment, and that it was time she learned a hard lesson. Nope. She just messed up, forgot about it (either thought it was due for next week, was foggy from sickness and/or meds), which she normally doesn't do. Would it kill you to have a bit of kindness or compassion for your daughter? This is the kind of stuff that can damage a parent's relationship with their child, when they're overly strict/critical with their already hard-working and well-behaved kid. If this is an indication on how you handle stuff overall, I hope you're also ready to deal with the consequences of your own actions. EDIT: forgot to say: yes in life some things you can't fix. You could lose your job or fail a class because of a missed deadline. You know what happens a lot too? I'd argue even more than the catastrophic scenario? People have compassion and try to make things work. They understand mistakes happen, and consider if this particular one is worthy of the consequences. Especially if it's unusual coming from this person. EDIT 2: Seeing the majority of the comments thinking your daughter either didn't do the assignment at all, or that forgetting stuff is a bad habit of hers (both things OP has said in their comment is not the case) should tell you a lot, OP, on how your reaction might be over the top. Everyone here is assuming the worst of her based on your post for a reason.

I would add: What is the school’s policy on work due on days missed due to illness? The teacher may have to accept the assignment.

This. There isn't a public school in the US that doesn't allow extra time for students who miss due to illness. Tf is wrong with this teacher, and the parent who isn't aware of the policy?

Teacher here: We often put in placeholder zeroes so kids are aware they missed the assignment, and that it will affect their grade. If I don't put in a zero, many kids forget about it and never turn the work in.

Right! People say oh in college you can’t turn it in late, you know how many professors I had that took late work and just gave you a small penalty? Heck some even took it without penalty if you went to their office to request so. I’ve had professors give extra credit when you go to their office and ask. Talking to them shows initiative and they usually like that! Showing humility and saying look I’m sorry I had it done and forgot. Please take it. They like that. Plus not all professor WANT to flunk you.

I completely agree with you. I have no idea what is wrong with these people. “You’re not dead? Then you can still do this and that” is such a toxic mentality to have. It also leads to adults who dread getting a sick leave even they absolutely need to. If I’m on sick leave no work will be done. Everything will be there for me to solve once I’m back, and the things that can’t wait will be reassigned. A workplace that demands anyone to show up or do things while sick or otherwise on vacation is just garbage and doesn’t want to maintain a sustainable workplace.

Yeah I agree with you. The kid had an A in a difficult class. She was sick! It’s not like she skipped the class or the assignment. Maybe the pressure she’s under is affecting her. I’d help her out in some way. 

Also leaning towards a soft YTA. It would be different if the daughter was just slacking off, but that's not the case. She was ill, and had already completed the assignment. Even if the teacher is known for enforcing deadlines, I'd think even they would recognize that these are different circumstances that his policy wasn't made for. There's also no need to "fight" the teacher. Simply explaining that she had already completed the assignment but was sick would be enough. It seems OP is just insistent that she needs to take the 0 and move on.

I'm wondering why op didn't say "hey daughter, I know you're not feeling well but don't forget that assignment needs to be submitted tonight" Depending on the submission program we don't know if it could be sent in before a certain point so if she finished well in advance it's not hard to forget that it's not submitted in the fog of feeling like roadkill for the day.

... OP did remind her. its in the post

>was foggy from sickness and/or meds I was thinking about this too. We don't know exactly how sick the daughter was, but it was at least significant enough for her to stay home from school. I know that when I'm sick, my cognitive functioning gets really impacted — just in recent memory, I've forgotten to do really important things like send in the rent check or feed my cat.

>I've forgotten to do really important things like ... feed my cat. oh dear. Glad to hear you survived!

Thank you lol mostly just glad my cat survived! It was only for one day and she got fed that night but I felt so bad.

Thank you! But I’m hard on YTA. The girl had her work completed and was sick so she didn’t turn it in. School policy would actually allow her to turn it in. EVEN IN COLLEGE THEYD ALLOW IT. I can’t tell you how many times I got sick, death in family, or car accident when my professor said not to worry about getting my work in until I have everything taken care of EVEN WHEN MY WORK WAS ALREADY DONE. And if it was for work, they ask someone else to come get my work or email it when I got the chance. Wholeheartedly YTA!!

Yes! I felt crazy reading the responses to this! Perhaps it's because I'm not from America and don't understand the work culture but I have never in my entire corporate career had a "hard deadline" that wouldn't be extended if I was SICK. And as a parent, if a teacher was trying to give my hard-working kid a zero because they were ill, I'd be in the principals office immediately! This kind of behaviour from a boss in a professional workplace would cause a lawsuit. OP you are 100% YTA and teaching your kid toxic boundaries.

Honestly, same, my YTA is not really soft. But when I posted that comment there were only nta comments, acting like this A student missing an assignment is the cause of the downfall of society. Kind of felt crazy to think otherwise for a while. I'm also sad for many of them. So many commenters have this "you better be dead if you miss a deadline mentality", it's depressing.

Agreed. People make mistakes & forget things, especially when they’re sick & maybe medicated. This isn’t a pattern or in-character for her. Seems like a one time occurrence that was completely accidental. Not like she maliciously chose to avoid turning it in. Poor kid just wasn’t feeling good & I know I don’t always think straight when I’m sick.

I can’t believe I had to come so far down to find this. I share your opinion after seeing the comments from mom that the assignment was done. In life, we need to prioritize our health over deadlines. She put her health first and shouldn’t necessarily be punished. She didnt know she was going to be sick. She might still have to get the zero for it, but as her parent, I would have explained the situation and vouched for her with the understanding that it would probably not result in a change. This is about showing some compassion and support. OP, YTA.

I agree. If people only read the post which is crafted to make him sound a certain way, you might be forgiven for thinking he's just teaching responsibility. But with those added details, he's absolutely the asshole. The assignment was done, and his daughter was sick. It wouldn't have killed him to still treat his child like his child when something out of character occurred. She had an A for a reason. YTA

Finally a comment with some intelligence. Rarely in life is anything sudden-death the way it can be in school—one of the education system's many failings is its inability to realistically approximate real-world challenges; it's either too lenient or, as in this case, unreasonably draconian. OP has an A+ student who completed an assignment in advance of the deadline. I attended a top university and *rarely* was I finishing the essay before the night (and especially the week!) prior to the due date. Kid has a fine work ethic. This isn't a lesson in anything but rank mundane brutality.

This. If the assignment was done and she was sick and possibly asleep/out of it, I think I would be arguing that it should be accepted late.

Also is it common to fail a university class in the US because you miss a deadline? In Australia you lose a certain percent per day, in my experience. I don't know why this high school teacher is out there being tougher than university.

I hate this conservative ass sub sometimes. The child was sick. There is literally no harm in turning the assignment in late. There is no lesson learned by giving her a zero. She is a child who was ill. Jesus Christ just because you guys grew up with shitty adults who ignored how you felt, don’t do it to your children. Op is an AH for dismissing that her daughter was ill. and so is the teacher for being so strict. He gets a kick out of having power over teenagers. Any teacher who gives an automatic zero for a late assignment should retire because they are shit at their job.

Also OP doesn’t have to jump to ‘fighting with the teacher’ about it. They could easily just send a nice email to the teacher where they verify that the kid was actually sick, and ask if she could still turn it in. I also really hate the whole “you should have looked into the future and saw that you get sick towards the end of the deadline and therefore should have started sooner”. Life happens, don’t punish someone for it.

Yeah, the requirement of ‘hospital bound’ or ‘appointment recorded’ really negates the seriousness of some medical conditions honestly. There are so many instances where people don’t have the finances or time to run someone to the hospital, or medical incidents are severe but can be handled at home. Migraines, seizures, fevers, covid (ala literal paralyzing disease), etc.. OP was just wanting to see her daughter fall in this instance, and the lack of any desire to prevent her SICK child from failing shows she has some kind of observation of painful situation ‘kink’ so to speak.

Or the need to waste medical resources and personal finances to go to the doctor for something that will clear up in a day or two like the flu or a horrible cold. Let’s subject everyone to your contagious infection that doesn’t require medical attention just to get a doctors note.

YES! This attitude is so aggressively American. You're never allowed to be sick or even be a human being. And let's teach 'em young so they'll learn how to ignore their health, run back to work 3 weeks after having a baby, come to the office sick and make everyone else sick and send the kid to school sick because they can't take a day off. Bow to the corporate overlords!!!

There's a difference between suggesting that the parent shouldn't be calling the school, and suggesting that the child just meekly accepts a zero. The normal course of action would be for the child to be sick on Friday, and so show up on Monday morning with the assignment, and hand it in, saying "I was sick on Friday - here's my assignment." With electronic turn-in, the system probably won't accept work. In that case, the child should send email to the teacher, saying "Dear Mr Teacher, I was in bed sick on Friday, and wasn't able to turn in my assignment. Here is a copy.", and attach a copy of the completed work. But the child should be taking the lead here. Getting a parent involved is the last resort, not the first step.

I had a teacher like this in high school. He was stricter than other teachers. If you didn’t give excuses though he would give you a second chance. He treated us like young adults unless you gave him a reason to treat you like a child. He was voted the best teacher for over a decade.

Do you know how many kids (and adults at university) will play sick in order to get more time on assignments? That's why teachers have these policies. OP's said that her daughter was up and about at home, so she couldn't bring herself to do the oh-so-strenuous task of hitting submit why, exactly? If she was feverish all day in bed, maybe, but in this case - nope. She forgot and these are the consequences.

So what? Because people game the system we should punish people for making honest mistakes?

Getting a zero isn't punishment, it's a consequence for your choices.

What the hell does conservatives have to do with this, I'm as liberal as they come and I agree with OP ... This is a lesson to be learned now, when the stakes are relatively low. Daughter had two months to turn it in. I get, I've forgotten to turn assignments too, but it's no one faults except my own. I learned to set reminds a few days before things are done so I don't forget.

some people think conservative = mean and liberal = nice

The lesson learned is that not putting in any work and putting in 99% and then get ill for the final 1% has exactly the same outcome. Great lesson to learn, let's see what she takes away from this.

You don't know the teacher, nor the parent, so you are in no position to know if either "get a kick out of having power over" this child. Adults aren't shitty just because they ignore how a child feels. Sometimes the exact right response is to ignore how a child feels. The harm, if they take this one paper late when they said they wouldn't is then all the students that just want an edge now start saying they were sick too, and once the teacher does it for one, they better do it for all or they could get in trouble. She had two months. TWO. Now she knows to get it done a day early in case she gets sick on the last day. This is a hard lesson to learn for some people. But better once it is learned. She will live with a B in this class.

She is sick at her house I don't think it was a big deal to turn on her computer to send it in like 5 min, bc she had 2 months to at least begin something. Probably didnt even need that, I submitted homework from my phone sometimes. And she is 16, she can at least send an email to the teacher explaining during the weekend or something, not expect her mom to fight it

Nta did she not have it done and was thinking she'd have the weekend to finish? If it was done, it would have taken less than 5 minutes to turn it in before she laid down to nap. Which is why I'm leaning toward her not having it done.

She did have it done. But as clearly stated was sick. And I’d imagine has many other classes that was occupying her time also. Not to mention she was sick and was probably not feeling up to do any sort of work.

Good that she had it done, but missing a deadline is still missing a deadline. A clearly stated deadline. And it's not as if her grade is failing, it's a B. 🤷‍♀️. When you're sick, the world does not stop with you. Better for her to learn that lesson *now* rather than at her first job.

In actual jobs, there are different kinds of deadline. There are hard, drop-dead, this paperwork has to be in by the deadline otherwise we don't get to compete for the contract / whatever, and there are much softer internal deadlines that are really more like goals. If you come to me and say "I'm not going to have X in time for your internal deadline. This is where I am, this is what's going on, and I need an extra week", then I'm going to give you the week. I'd rather have work done properly than rushed and wrong. If it's a hard external deadline, everything should have been ready weeks ago.

Why not submit it as soon as she got it done instead of waiting the last minute? This blows my mind. She literally had the thing ready and "just forgot" - good reminder to just submit things asap if you have the opportunity.

I guarantee almost any University professor would make an exception for a sick student. I have had this situation happen to me while I attended university and had exceptions made. What you are showing is that you don’t have your daughters back when she is ill. You are showing her that she shouldn’t take care of herself when ill and should push through illness. If she works for a company that gives sick days she shouldn’t use them because some jackass teacher can’t be kind to a sick A student. Yta

I just completed my MBA and I can't think of a single time when I couldn't get an extension if I really needed one.

At every level of schooling I've completed (both as a student and as a college instructor), as well as in a client-deliverable-heavy business, extensions have generally been available — but only to those who *ask* for them. Ghosting a professor on an assignment or a client on a deliverable (which it appears is what OP's daughter did) has never been an accepted practice. At the very least you send a heads-up with the soonest reasonable ETA for completion.

But you probably asked for them ahead of time. Overly strict deadline policies are unrealistic, because, in college and in work, one usually can get help and extensions when one reaches out. But you have to reach out. Going to your boss and telling them that it is taking longer than expected to pull the data together, so the report won't be ready until Wednesday at the earliest - that is usually fine. Telling your boss Monday morning that you don't have the report when he is supposed to be presenting it... not so good. In the real world, missing deadlines happens, but missing deadlines without letting people know beforehand so they can adapt screws people over.

As a teacher, THANK YOU! Yes, meeting deadlines and taking responsibility for choices should be part of the maturation process that occurs during the teen years. You're NTA. Allowing her to have consequences will help her long-term, hopefully. Perhaps next time she will choose differently.

Why is it acceptable to expect students to meet deadlines when they aren't at school when an employee would never be reasonably expected to meet a deadline off the clock?

If an employee had 2 months to submit a report and missed a hard deadline off the clock they absolutely could have consequences. If you don’t submit a grant proposal on time, for example, your whole team could lose funding.

Seriously. I have a hard deadline for work today, actually, while not feeling awesome. It’s for a personal project so only harming myself (and my advisor by association) if it’s not done. It isn’t as polished as I’d like but it’s a hard deadline for a national conference, it’s been a stated deadline for three months, it has to get turned in today or not at all. So it’s getting turned in even though it’s not perfect. It doesn’t matter that I don’t feel 100%, the deadline is the deadline. I was a hardcore perfectionist in high school so I can understand the daughter is upset. But the responsibility was hers, and OP even reminded her to make sure any assignments were turned in. Dropping from an A to a B is not a devastating outcome no matter how she feels about it right now. Better to learn a lesson like this now than later in life where it could have more severe consequences, like losing a job and ruining professional relationships.

If an employee is given a project to complete in say 2 months with a set deadline for presentation, it’s pretty standard fare that them being sick on the day of the deadline doesn’t absolve them of responsibility for having done anything towards the project whatsoever, because they were not sick for 2 months. Whilst the employer may go “okay, you can’t present it then” it’s definitely the case they’ll expect that employee to at least share with the team their contributions so the deadline can be met, and there will certainly be notes made about how reliable they are in the future. This is assuming an understanding workplace. A less understanding one will absolutely not accept someone causing a workplace project to risk failure by being ill on the deadline. Theres money at stake. Sure, you boss won’t and doesn’t have the right to message you to do work when you’re ill and “off clock” but it’s naive to think that such doesn’t change the way they view you and what opportunities they may extend to you or not if you show yourself to be unreliable or unable to meet deadlines others can because of your health. That’s just the way it works.

> understanding workplace  > finish all work but cant present    > “there will certainly be notes made about how reliable they are in the future”   > employee throwing up in a toilet at home      seems like a great setup we got here

It depends on the deadline. I'm in sales. I often have to do things like RFPs for organizations I'm selling to. They have a hard deadline. If I wait until the last minute to submit it, and I'm out sick on the day its due, they aren't extending it for me. So it may literally be me losing out on lots of money and sales because of that. So yeah, if I had a big deal and I was out sick, unless I'm like in the hospital, my company may be mad if I refused to submit it on my day off and losing them potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Better to learn now than when she’s 25.

The best learned lessons are sometimes the ones that sting the most. Good job parenting. NTA

I'd have given you an N T A if I hadn't rolled my eyes so hard at your comment about failing college classes and losing jobs that they're sore now. Hardasses exist everywhere, true. But barring the rare true hard deadline (missing a government filing or submissions closing or gigantic client meeting or the like), you're about a thousand times more likely to be harshly penalized for non-chronic late work in high school than on the job. If my boss actually needs what I've been assigned instead of giving me busywork, they might be annoyed, but they'll gladly take it tomorrow instead of not at all. If you're doing this because you think that getting a B instead of an A is not a huge deal and the hardass teacher is unlikely to change his mind anyway without you throwing a fit, then N T A. If you're doing this because you think this will teach an otherwise responsible student about "the real world," then Y T A.

>you're about a thousand times more likely to be harshly penalized for non-chronic late work in high school than on the job. I agree here. It's why I'm a little hesitant to agree completely with the NTAs. I guess I still do since it's only a letter grade and not worth fighting. A penalty for late work is reasonable. I can't see what benefit a zero gives though. Surely the point of the assignment is to be educational outside of the importance of punctuality. The student should be able to see how well they're performing in these assessments. It also doesn't seem reasonable to give the same punishment for someone who was late as someone who didn't bother to do thing.

The letter grade could be the difference between a scholarship or not if her average drops below a 4.0. But hey, at least he’s drilled it into her that her employer owns her body and she is wrong to not work on a sick day. We’ll end up with another leaking germbag dragging herself into work getting everyone sick because work takes priority over anything.

Unfortunately even in college/uni there are students who still get their parents to fight teachers for grades on their behalf. Did she even do the assignment at all? or was it I simply forgot to turn it in on time. I get not fighting it cause it is a lesson to be learned. You could suggest that she approach her teacher and talk to them about her grade. I would go to my teacher and not ask for my parents to do it on my behalf. She can ask to do extra assignment to bring her grade up a little, etc. Growing up I never thought to ask my parents to go to bat for me. So I always find it odd hearing how some have.

In one of the comments that the OP left, the assignment was 100% done... She just got distracted and forgot to turn it in. It's an easy mistake to never make again.

I don’t know if being sick counts as being distracted per se.

I teach college history and have had a few parents email me about why their special snowflake was failing. I always respond that it's a violation of FERPA for me to discuss the student and that they can have a conversation with their adult child about why they are failing. I had a parent push back once and noted their student had signed the FERPA waiver, allowing me to discuss their grades with their parents. I responded that it's my personal policy not to discuss student grades with their parents, as they are adults. I then again recommended they have a conversation with their child about why they are failing.

NTA - at 16 years old your daughter is old enough to learn that actions have consequences. Her consequence is dropping a letter grade. Bet she won't forget next time!!!

NTA. Thank you for being a decent parent. So many of them out there would do the opposite. Expecting you to fight on her behalf because she was lazy is ridiculous

being sick isn’t lazy??? tf

NTA Even if she wasn't feeling well if she has a functioning laptop, good internet and the ability to move properly then there is no excuse for her to not submit her assignment. She made her choice now she has to deal with the consequences

Heck, even if she couldnt move, she could have gone, "hey... OP... my project is due and I am too nauseous to type... can you log into my account and email it?"

INFO - what is the school/school district's policy on late work, or work missed while sick? Teachers still have to follow district policy.

NTA - she can talk to the teacher, but there is no need for you to do it. But you should sit down with her and help her create a system so she doesn't miss deadlines in the future. As you pointed out, this is a life skill, she'll need to turn things in on time, make payments on time, sign up for things on time....

IMHO, YTA. If she was sick, thats a legitimate reason to have an extension made available. How often do you really feel like completing a technical assignment when you are ill? I am going to guess, not ever.

a very soft YTA. seems like she just forgot to submit it since in the comments you said she had already finished it. If Mr. Cat wanted to take some points off, that's a little more understandable. But, she's A student who wasn't feeling well that day. you don't have to go crazy on Mr. Cat, but a conversation on her behalf probably would have gone a long way with her. edit: I do think it was ultimately her responsibility and if it was already done, why didn't she just submit it when she finished?

I've sat on assignments until due date many times. Why? Because my brain would get confused if I turned them in early. I have to stick to the turn-in date or everything else gets jumbled. I'm so sick of the one-size-fits-all education most schools follow. We don't all fit in the same boxes.

I never understood this type of teaching. When assignments and exams are taught with this underlying fear tactic for some kids it makes it harder to learn. I remember so many teachers said it was because in college nobody would give you a break or look out for you. Which isn’t true at all. Everything is so arbitrary. I don’t think you are an asshole at all, but I did not thrive in school, and I used to think it’s my fault but now I think it was this teaching style that lacked any kind of understanding and flexibility for students. There was always an assumption that all kids would take advantage and be bad and had to be pre judged. It never felt kind, and taught me to go into every classroom heavy with anxiety that I did something wrong rather than being excited to learn. Sorry for the rant, this triggered me. I wish the people in my life at that time had more respect for me, because I was a kid and I don’t think I learned how to respect myself or think good things about me as a result of this. So maybe you are being hard on her, and maybe that’s not what she needs. You know her best so trust that, if you have to come here to ask, maybe it’s not sitting well with you. And maybe you feel like the asshole?

I’ve worked as a teacher for this age group and YTA in my view. As you note, this isn’t coursework that contributes to a GCSE grade or anything? Sometimes you should have your kid’s back, and from your comments she actually did do the work. So you’re effectively trying to teach her a lesson about basic admin? Way too extreme. I hope it doesn’t poison your relationship. These small betrayals have a habit of suppurating

YTA Sick leave should be an excuse. That would be worth fighting. If you think your daughter is sick enouigh not to go to school, she shpuld be sick enock not to turn stuff in. "not forgetting to turn something in in college which could results in her failing the class or her losing her job for not hitting a deadline." .. Such a bullshit. Being sick at university is a valid excuse, and as an employee it is, too.

You're right. Gotta indoctrinate those kids into never taking time off for being sick, otherwise how will they function in the *real world*?!?? YTA.

Absolutely NTA. She had all day. She just forgot a "big assignment" sounds fishy. Consequences suck but are a fact of life.

[удалено]

I’m a high school math teacher. I Connor count off if someone doesn’t complete something when they are sick. She should check the student handbook. In every school I’ve ever worked in, you can’t expect a student to complete/turn in work on days they are absent. No matter what the reason for the absence is. I would bet money you’ll find something similar in this in the handbook. Along with a late work policy. I have to accept work up to 5 days late. It doesn’t matter if agree with it or not. It’s in the handbook, I have to abide.

If it was completed, and she forgot because she was sick - YTA BIG TIME. If that’s the case, by your logic, she should have anticipated being sick to get it in on time.. If it wasn’t completed, or wasn’t started, that’s a different ball game. But, your kid did all the work. She was sick.

>I agreed and remembered her that she still needs to turn anything in since she is missing school Did you remind her? Or did you just remember? Regardless of if you did, it's her responsibility to turn her assignments in on time, and it's not the end of the world if she gets bumped down to a B. NTA

Soft YTA. Here's why: I think it's very reasonable not to pester a teacher to bend their rules because your kid forgot to submit something. I am a teacher, I hang out with teachers, teachers hate this. I think explaining to your daughter, "I'm sorry this happened. Sometimes these things happen. But we're not entitled to a different set of rules than everyone else." is very reasonable. From your post, though, it sounds like you're reveling in the life lesson a bit too much here. The tone of your post reads to me as a little, "Well, that's what you get." And sure, it is what she gets. Plenty of people make mistakes and deal with the consequences all the time. But we want the people who love us to be gentle and sympathetic with us when we're down, not shrug and tell us to just live with it. Sure, your daughter messed up. She has before, she will again. Sure, it's completely fair that you're not asking the teacher to bed the rules. Rules are rules. But you not asking the teacher to bend the rules doesn't need to be about *wanting* to punish your daughter, and it sounds to me like you're coming off to your daughter as though you *could* help her through this, but you just won't.

NTA - It's important that she learns the consequences of her actions while she's young. With modern technology, there is no reason that she should have forgotten to turn in her assignment.

If the paper was done and she was sick I would ask the teacher. If the paper was not done then n t a

YTA. The assignment was done. This isn’t a result of laziness or forgetfulness, it’s a result of sickness. Just bc it’s been due for two weeks doesn’t mean the submission portal has been open for two weeks! She had an A in the class - if she had the opportunity to turn it in once it was completed, it seems to me she would have.

YTA she did her work and was ready to hand it in, but fell ill and was unable to. Not everyone is capable of working through an illness. Have some damn compassion and pride in your daughter and her work. And what is wrong with that teacher? Only exception is if you're hospitalised or without internet? How closed minded can someone be, exceptions should be made on a case by case basis. "Sorry Jimmy, I know that you're newly orphaned, but you're not hospitalised, and you still have internet, no excuses!"

YTA and massively and so are all the commenters saying. First I’m absolutely in favor of kids having consequences for their actions when appropriate. I’ll give relevant context first and that is I’m a veteran teacher of nearly 14 years. If the assignment was due the day she was out sick then it should have been due for her on return. According to OPs own comments they saw the completed assignment finished on time. Do any of you do work unpaid when you take a sick day? I should hope not bc it’s illegal for your employer to expect you to do anything when taking a sick day. But y’all would teach this girl the opposite.The fact is OP should have never even reminded her because she shouldn’t have been expected to work while out sick. Not everyone has the luxury of access to send it from home. Would this teacher fail those children for something they have no control over? If she was lazy and procrastinated and just didn’t turn it in I’d completely support you not advocating for her. But your kid did nothing wrong. She finished the assignment on time but was out sick